Do I ever feel like I can't control my emotions and especially hate people who make me feel bad about myself?
When I love someone, I love them so much that I can't help myself, and I even have the urge to completely possess them; and when I hate someone, it may just be because of some trivial and insignificant things, I will be inexplicably depressed, and then I look at everything, and feel that everything around me is disgusting. I know in my heart that I actually hate myself, but I can't stop this self-loathing. I hated my shortcomings: laziness, lack of self-control, jealousy, over-ambitiousness, and sometimes I even hated to disappear. When I can't get rid of this emotion, I especially hate people who make me feel bad about myself, while looking down on those who are less than me. Once I lose control of my emotions, I get so angry that I want to eliminate all sources of what makes me unhappy, and I am completely unable to control myself.
I'm a little confused. What do you mean when you say you like someone so much that you "eat them alive"? Has anyone ever expressed their love to you in this way? If so, how do you feel about it?
You say that you "hate someone when it's something small or unrelated, and I'm inexplicably upset", which happens to a lot of people, but it usually passes quickly. Maybe you were brought up not to feel disgust, jealousy, or whatever towards others, and it ended up making those emotions surround you more strongly and linger.
In fact, loathing, hating or being jealous of others is not a bad thing, it helps you to be more aware of what you like and what you hate.
The more you try to suppress the emotion, the more it bounces back and ends up rippling out to yourself and those around you, feeling like nothing is right anywhere, or even triggering a crazy rage.
You see, you try to eliminate the source of what upsets you, but it's like a breeze, and the more you desperately try to block it and keep it from blowing in, you instead block the second-degree breeze into a 10-step typhoon, and of course you become raging yourself.
I hope you can make peace with your breeze (emotions) and let it come and go freely. It's ok to hate, it's ok to loathe, it's ok to be jealous.
Good luck!
