As mentioned in the title, I'm rather passive in personality and after a few relationships, I'm even a bit introverted now.
When I think back to my childhood, my school and parents always taught us to concentrate on our studies and not to worry about other things, so I hardly had any small friends, and my childhood was quite lonely. Although I always lied to myself that I didn't need friends, I realize now that I actually longed for company.
But now on my relationship path, I keep getting stuck in this cycle of liking someone who doesn't like me. At first I would desperately give and try, and once I realized that the other person didn't like me and was obviously repulsed, I started to hide my feelings and tried to get along as friends. As a result, I've been quietly giving and crushing until I've watched the other person go into someone else's arms, and then I've suffered too much.
I can't tell if this crush is true love or dependence. I'm not close to either my mom or dad, and my mom is especially strong and always wants to control my life, and if she can't, she has anxiety tantrums.
I really don't know how to break this and how to find a healthy love.
Hello my friend! I'll give you a warm hug when I see the confusion you've shared.
You mentioned that as a child you were told by your parents to only bury your head in the sand and not make friends, which made me think that maybe your current emotional patterns are compensating for the lack of childhood.
Now that you're older, you find that you're always attracted to people who aren't like you, and it's kind of like addressing that part of the emptiness that came from the lack of playmates when you were a kid.
Because you don't have a close relationship with your mother and father, you may think of your lover as an ideal "parent figure" in your relationship, trying to fill the lack of love you had when you were a child through them.
To put it bluntly, your search for a relationship now is more like healing your childhood self.
If this part is not dealt with, it may keep affecting your future relationship choices.
I suggest you talk to a professional counselor to help you deal with your "inner child", which will help you a lot.
I really hope that the dilemma you are facing now will be solved sooner rather than later.
That's all I can think of.
I hope my answer can give you some inspiration and support. I am the answerer learning well everyday.
The world and I love you from here. I wish you all the best!
