As a freshman in college, I realized that I have a tendency to be a people pleaser. I always try to maintain relationships, but the results are always unsatisfactory. I treat others genuinely, but I am often misunderstood or hurt, which makes me feel very frustrated.
Honestly, I'm really tired of trying to let go of these worries, but inside I just can't.
Sometimes it's hard to express yourself when you want to talk to someone.
Although I don't have any light thoughts right now, I can't help but browse suicide-related topics lately, and I'm a little worried that I'm going to have a sudden impulse one day.
Hello dear! I can feel your anxiety, insecurity and powerlessness right now. Relationships can actually be learned and improved, so don't worry too much and don't rush to label yourself. Because once you label yourself, behavior is easily influenced by it and unconsciously repeats negative patterns.
Our relationship patterns often stem from our family of origin, such as the way we interact with our parents and siblings. These patterns are formed over time and are difficult to change until you are aware of them. But from the fact that you have come forward to seek help, you are aware of the problem, which is the first step to change - indicating that the influence of your family of origin is being seen by you and needs to be adjusted.
You say you treat others well but get hurt instead. There is a saying in psychology that how you treat yourself is how others treat you. Think about it: does your kindness come with expectations? If giving is done with the expectation of something in return, others may feel pressured because your kindness may not be what they need. This can easily lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships.
Without being aware of this pattern, you can get stuck in a cycle of repeated attempts to feel miserable and lost, and even doubt your self-worth.
So how do you improve it?
First, be true to yourself in a relationship. Don't condescend to please others and be brave enough to express needs. How you treat yourself directly affects how others respond to you.
Become aware of what you want through relationships, such as to be loved or valued. Try to self-fulfill these needs first, as it is often unreliable to rely on others to fill the void - others may not be able to fulfill you precisely.
Take the initiative to learn social skills. Everyone grows up with deficiencies, and it's perfectly fine to make up for them in adulthood by learning and practicing.
I'm Lilly the Answer House Little Ears, the world and I love you.
