I'm a student and I've been feeling a little off mentally since about a couple months ago. I don't know how to express it, but I'll try my best to describe what's bothering me.
I've been in a state of limbo for the past few months, thinking about the meaning of living every day, even having suicidal thoughts and almost acting on them.
For example, when I was at school, I would always unconsciously walk to the rooftop and imagine myself jumping off of it.
All in all, I want to end my life so badly that the thought has been tormenting me for a long time and causing me extreme pain.
I would have urges to self-harm, fantasize about suicide or hurting others, and sometimes even feel a twisted euphoria. Emotions were so low that it was like sinking into the deep end and not being able to pull myself out.
Often anxious over small things, with the urge to hit or break things.
I'm afraid to talk to people, I always think they're scary. When I'm nervous, I get chills all over my body, I feel like I'm out of my body, and I stutter.
I've thought about going to a therapist or telling a teacher, but I'm afraid to do that.
I was afraid that counseling would be too expensive, that I would be ridiculed, that my teachers would withdraw me from school, and I was very scared.
I don't know how to describe myself and I can't accurately say where I am right now.
I just wanted someone to save me, but at the same time had a strong desire to die.
Hello friend! I'll start by giving you a warm hug when I see the struggles you're going through.
My guess is that something may have happened at home or school recently to cause you to have these extreme thoughts.
Have you talked to your family about these bad thoughts? They should be the first people you can turn to.
Sharing my experience: When I was a senior high school student in Hong Kong, I was verbally attacked in public by an English history teacher who had an unwanted pregnancy, with the whole class of more than 30 students present, which made me feel very humiliated. When I got home, I, who was originally cheerful and optimistic, cried and told my parents that I didn't want to live anymore and wanted to commit suicide. Realizing the seriousness of the situation, my parents went to the principal the next day. The principal said that the resident psychologist was on leave, but seeing that my situation was dangerous, he immediately arranged for a psychologist from The Chinese University of Hong Kong to give me counseling. After several months of counseling, the teacher told me that the problem was not with me, and I was relieved.
You can also privately tell your class teacher about your mental state. If necessary, the homeroom teacher will inform your parents so that they can take more care of your mental health and enlighten you.
I recommend that you seek the help of a school counselor. Confidentiality agreements are usually signed before counseling, and no one, including parents, are told unless their lives are in danger.
Don't worry about the cost, school counseling is usually free.
In fact, as soon as you realize that something is not right psychologically, it is best to seek professional help without delay. Otherwise the problem will become more complicated and difficult to solve.
Modern society is fast-paced, and it is normal to be stressed at work and school. That's why more and more people are taking mental health seriously and no longer see it as something to be ashamed of.
If there are extreme negative thoughts, it may be a psychological problem, so don't be afraid to look at your teacher or teacher, and be brave enough to ask for help.
The more people you let know about your situation, the better you will be able to help. As the Bible says, "It is better for two to walk together than one, to be able to support each other when they fall." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
That's why it's important to keep people who care about you informed so you don't get in deeper and deeper.
In addition, the Bible says that life is a precious gift from God that we should cherish and not give up lightly.
But your description doesn't mention a specific incident, so I can't really jump to conclusions.
All I can say is that you were brave enough to realize the problem and ask for help, and I give you credit for that.
I hope my answer is helpful to you. I'm the answerer everyday 217733.
In, the world and I love you. All the best to you!
