In my previous relationship experiences, whenever I felt like I was about to fall in love with the other person, an intense fear would arise, causing me to initiate a breakup. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't continue the relationship because I was afraid of daily chats, of spending time together, or even of falling in love with him.
Hi, it's great to talk to you about this.
You said that when you are with your friends, once you realize that you are about to like them, you get scared and therefore want to reject and run away, is that right?
When we start to like someone, we need to open up, which means we may show our most vulnerable and imperfect sides.
Perhaps in the past, you couldn't accept those vulnerable or inadequate parts of yourself, so you kept them hidden to avoid liking others. You may have feared that once others saw these imperfections, they would leave you.
This state of unacceptability can easily lead to misery, so some people choose not to like others or end relationships early to protect themselves.
We can look at Will, the main character in the classic movie Mindhunter, who is just that. He had a traumatic childhood and lived in multiple foster homes on and off.
He initiated the breakup because he was afraid of being abandoned.
With the help of a counselor and friends, he eventually found himself.
My dear, how can you find yourself and true love now that you are plagued by "fear"?
What is behind this "fear"? What are the deeper needs? Only when you truly understand yourself can you get out of the rut.
The world and I love you 😊
