I'm in my freshman semester.
About a month into college, I found myself struggling to communicate properly with the people around me.
I'm a bit of a thinker, and sometimes when I talk to people, I even find their ideas a bit problematic, so I'm getting to like being alone.
However, many course teachers require group work or free-form teams, which leaves me torn: if I completely disengage from the group, I may miss some important opportunities.
Yet every time we collaborate, I feel like the work is all mine, and I don't like to rely on others or be relied on by others, so this kind of collaboration makes it especially hard for me.
I was hospitalized in high school for psychological issues, and I'm off my meds now.
I'm not sure if I should get out of this group or if it's a psychological or mental problem and if I should seek counseling or take medication.
A warm hug to you first.
After reading what you've shared, I'd like to give my opinion.
If you don't want to fit in, then don't fit in. Although we all live in social relationships, conformity is not necessary.
Don't want to fit in, just keep your distance.
When I went to college, there was a student in my class who had taken a break from his studies in the previous term. We studied mechanics, he loved computers, busy all day learning programming, certification, a little introverted, sometimes do not go to class, collective activities do not participate. However, his relationship with his classmates was not bad, and he was still able to contact them after graduation.
It didn't feel like this misfit didn't affect his classmates at all, and then he went into the software industry.
Actually, it doesn't matter if you fit in or not, the key is whether you can accept it or not. If not fitting in doesn't affect you, then it's fine.
When I was in graduate school, because I was older than my classmates and had different experiences, I seldom participated in their activities and went to study or the library when I had time. But my classmates got along quite well, and even treated me as their soul sister.
In relationships, conformity is not an option. Maybe you don't get along with this group, but other groups do.
Still, don't force it if you can't get along, as long as you don't mind.
If it bothers you, ask yourself why, whether it's approval seeking, fear of being different, or something else, and suggest talking to a counselor.
You say that you are more of a thinker, that when you interact with others you find their ideas problematic, and that you love to be alone.
I have to admit, it's really hard to get in tune with ideas.
I like the old Chinese saying: Speak to the people when you see them, and speak to the ghosts when you see them.
We live in a society where we cannot live without relationships, and if we must maintain certain relationships, then we say different things to different people.
If you don't think the relationship is important, don't bother having a deep conversation, just meet up and talk about the weather, gossip and keep a nodding acquaintance.
The key is to be acceptable to yourself.
It's like I'm a little OCD, but it doesn't affect anyone else, it just takes a little more time, which in turn makes me feel secure and fulfills the quest for perfection, which is nice.
Third, cooperation with classmates.
It's a problem that has to be faced, you say you don't like to lead or be led, kind of like a lone wolf, carrying everything by yourself.
From your description, it does seem that collaboration is tormenting you.
But as a member of a class, cooperation in learning is essential. So what to do?
My point.Be yourself..
If you care about grades, don't care if you do it alone, do it for yourself. Don't feel it's unfair, you benefit from doing it and that's enough.
As for disengaging from the group, it does not have to be total disengagement or integration; it can be maintained as if it were a separate relationship.
From your question, it seems that the current situation is very difficult for you, and there is a principle in counseling: whoever suffers changes.
So, you may need to adjust your perceptions, adapt to the status quo, and achieve self-compatibility.
Maybe talk to a counselor.
I'm a sometimes Buddhist, sometimes hardworking counselor, and the world and I love you.
