I am 26 years old and a female. My story began in August 2019 when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, but we remained close.
(We lived together for a long time before that, which led me to develop a strong attachment to him)
Last May, he started flirting with another girl and I realized that I was not in the right mood, so I went to the hospital for a checkup and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
Symptoms at that time included poor breathing throughout the day, frequent dry heaving, complete lack of appetite, insomnia at night, and occasional muscle tremors.
My doctor gave me feedback on a psychological level that my underlying depression was still deep.
The medicines prescribed at that time were: Liu Wei An Shen capsule and Ba Ji Tian.
I stopped taking the medication on my own when I felt better.
During that time, he was still flirting with other people, but I could barely contain myself.
In early April this year, he started a new affair with another girl.
This time to a much more serious degree, almost confirmed to be in love.
My depressive symptoms came back.
Symptoms now are: breathlessness (especially bad in the morning and evening), dry heaving, loss of appetite, able to sleep but always waking up early.
The reason for today's question is because before it was just dry heaving, but this morning when I woke up early I vomited straight away, accompanied by a few seconds of body shaking.
I'm wondering if it's getting worse.
And if it is, what can I do about it besides continuing to take the medication? Like cut off the relationship completely? Or move to another city? (But if I can't let go in my heart, it's probably useless to move anywhere else, right?)
I'm really lost right now and don't know what to do.
Your question is very descriptive and goes to the core. You are asking what to do to get out of this state.
There are actually many ways to do this, and you can start with the simplest and most relevant. Remember, talent is the most important thing, and you are even more important - you are all that matters in your own life. The starting point is learning to love yourself.
Now come to a specific thought: if you really love yourself, you are the only one in the world who knows you best. What are some small things you can do starting tomorrow morning to show that love? For example, give yourself a haircut, brush your teeth, make a nutritious breakfast, dress decently, say encouraging words to yourself, keep exercising, or make a soup to comfort yourself.
These things may sound trivial, but it's life itself, and it's exactly the kind of action you need to focus on the most at this stage - and that's my practical advice for you.
