When I was in middle school, I experienced bullying from my classmates, and that experience put me in a long term depressive mood, and then I tried to adjust myself, but I always had a shadow inside.
Recently, the classmate who bullied me back then suddenly apologized, which instead made me feel scared and confused, not knowing how to face that painful past.
It's obviously not my fault, but I often blame myself and wonder if there's something wrong with me.
Especially at night, it's easy to break down emotionally and feel bad about yourself and have trouble controlling it.
Dear friend, I completely understand the struggle you are going through. Bullying can indeed be deeply traumatizing and affect daily life. It takes courage and patience to face such a past while resorting to some practical methods for gradual recovery.
Fear, anger, sadness, and self-blame are all normal emotional responses, and they show that you are trying to deal with unhealed trauma.
It is important not to repress these feelings, but to allow yourself to experience them and acknowledge their existence.
These emotions don't mean you're weak, they're just part of the pain you're experiencing.
Writing down your emotions is a good way to do this, such as through a journal or writing letters to your past self, which can help you clear your mind and release stress. If words are difficult to express, you can also try art forms such as painting and music to vent your feelings.
Talk about your experience with someone you trust, such as a family member, friend or counselor, whose support will make you feel less alone. A professional counselor can provide systematic help to deal with trauma in depth through one-on-one therapy.
When a bully apologizes, you have the right to choose whether or not to accept it. Accepting an apology does not mean that you have to forgive right away, especially if your emotions have not calmed down. Forgiveness is a process, and it's completely normal to be unable to do so for a while.
It's easy for bullying incidents to make us question our self-worth, but remember that it's not your fault, and your value is not diminished by the malice of others. Focus more on your interests and strengths and find confidence in them.
Emotional breakdowns at night often stem from feelings of loneliness, and it is possible to establish a bedtime calming habit, such as listening to soft music, meditating, reading, or simple breathing exercises, to help calm your mood and improve your sleep.
If self-help methods have limited results, consider professional trauma treatments such as EMDR or cognitive behavioral therapy, which have been shown to have significant results with PTSD and complex trauma and can rebuild a sense of safety.
Facing trauma takes time, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone's recovery path is different, just find what works and stick with it.
