I am a female student and have been with my boyfriend for five years. Recently he succeeded in getting his PhD while I failed in grad school last year and am now working. But he insisted that I go to graduate school again. He comes from the countryside, his parents spoiled him, since he was a child, he has never worked formally, not even a part-time job, and has always concentrated on studying. I am more independent, family conditions are also general. I feel that dating for five years, it is time to get a license to get married, but he always disagrees, not even let mention. Usually he is not good enough for me, and even thinks that I am holding him back. I want to get married with him, but he doesn't want to and won't explain why. This means I have to wait another five years for him to finish his PhD, and I feel like I can't wait any longer, like it's a bottomless pit. It's especially hard to think about it and I want to break up but I can't let go. Please help, what should I do?
Hello, I am the heart exploration coach Dong Fen, I hope my answer can help you❤
① Why are you in such a hurry to get married?
From your description, I can feel that you especially want to get married quickly, even if the other party does not care enough about you, as if you do not care about whether the marriage partner can give you happiness, even if you do not get the proper consideration still want to tie the knot.
Is it that you think you've been in a relationship long enough to get into a marriage?
Or are you worried about getting older and stressed?
Or maybe the family is pushing for marriage?
......
Marriage is a big life event, so you can rethink why you are in such a hurry.
② Graduate school or work, you have to live for yourself
Whether you go to graduate school or work, it's your own path and the decision is yours, not his to make it for you if he asks you to take it.
Even in intimate relationships, we are individuals and have to consider what kind of life we want for ourselves, not live to satisfy the other person.
He can give advice, but he can't force it.
③ What does a degree really mean?
What does a high level of education mean other than being able to read?
A person is multifaceted and can be evaluated in many ways, and it is too one-sided to measure just by the level of education.
And a happy marriage has little to do with education, it's the daily grind that shows the real story.
Does he appreciate you and encourage you to be more confident and happy; or does he resent you and discourage you?
Can he take on family responsibilities with you, is he mature and stable, or is he like an unweaned child always running away?
Will he help you with the housework, bring up the kids, hand you a glass of water to warm you up when you're tired, or ignore you or even say you're "pretentious"?
......
None of this, has anything to do with education.
④ Don't let the past slow down your decisions in the present.
It's true that five years together is a lot of time and emotion invested, but those become sunk costs that shouldn't affect your choices now.
The most important thing right now is what kind of partner you want, what kind of married life you want, and does he meet your expectations?
That's the key.
